How does a woman express all of the thoughts and emotions circling throughout her heart and mind when she discovers she is pregnant? I am finding it almost overwhelming. I have only known for two days and already my world has taken a spin. This is baby #4 for me. And this pregnancy is so different from my very first pregnancy. I compare it to my first pregnancy probably because this is almost as much of a surprise as my first pregnancy was! So my first and my last have come at a great surprise…with 17 years between.
I must admit the worry is so much greater now, as an older mother, the fourth time around. I have shared heartache with my close friends who have lost babies or have not been able to get pregnant. I have seen and heard the stories of children who suffer sickness and disease. I endured a difficult pregnancy with baby #3. And I have girlfriends who also have “battle scars” from their pregnancies. At just 19 years old, I did not carry these fears. I had the mentality that “bad things” happened to other people. At 37, I know now. And I know the immense love I have for my children. A love I could not possibly have know before becoming a mother. I don’t wonder how can I love another child as much as the others. I know the depth of a mother’s love. This baby was not planned. Not at all. But I never doubted for a second that this was God’s blessing in our lives. This child is meant to be. I know for a fact, God orchestrated this. Because I could not have made this decision in my own consciousness. Even though I have had fleeting thoughts of giving my youngest, Sam, a baby brother or sister who would be much closer to his age than his older siblings. I thought if maybe I were younger. Maybe if I didn’t have a daughter who was going off to college next year. Maybe if life didn’t already seem so busy.
Please keep me, the baby, and my family in your prayers. Better yet – say a prayer right now! We are moving into our new home in April, my daughter is going off to college in August, and the baby will be here in November. There is a LOT going on in the Curran house this year! We have so much to be thankful for. Praise God! But all of these events can be stressful, so I’d much appreciate the prayers. God is good, always. I am thankful to know I can rest in Him.
Here is a picture my daughter took before going to school yesterday morning. Ohhh…she thinks the whole thing is so funny and fun! How many seniors in high school get to announce that their mother is having another baby? Geesh! But I love this picture – the expression on Sam’s face totally cracks me up. I love that kid.